Trying to be a Dad in Challenging Times

Our youngest daughter started her last year of high school this morning - from her bedroom. Our oldest will be starting her last semester of college next week - partially in the classroom, partially from her apartment. I'm still working from my very messy home office just off our back deck - and still wearing a mask whenever I go to town. To say these are challenging times seems vastly understated to me this morning.

When I think about the memories I hold from my last year of high school (35 years ago) or my last quarter at UC Davis (30 years ago), I don't much remember the classes I took. What I do remember are the things I did beyond the classroom - playing in my last homecoming football game, serving as the public address announcer for the basketball team, going to the winter formal and the prom. Spending the night on the football bleachers with my buddies on the night before graduation. In college, I remember doing fun things with my roommates - parties, trips to the mountains, goofing off on the quad between classes.

I'm sad as a parent that my kids won't get to have these experiences this year. At least for me, my inclination as a dad has always been to make things okay for my kids - put the bandaid on the scraped knee, tape an ankle before a soccer game, help catch a fair lamb so it can be weighed. I find this current situation all the more difficult because there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to make it better.

Don't get me wrong - I do think this pandemic is serious. I think the things we're all doing (wearing masks, limiting our interaction with people outside of our immediate families, staying home) are necessary. This is the real deal.

Sometimes I wonder if our society is capable of self-sacrifice and determination over the long run. We're so used to immediate gratification, I'm worried that we may not be able to stick with the measures necessary to keep our communities safe and healthy. When I think about my grandparents persisting through the Great Depression and World War II, I wonder if my generation is up to the task of wearing a mask till this crisis is over. I wonder how my grandparents coped with their own anxieties during their own challenging times.

For now, I suppose what I can do for my daughters is be present. Listen. Commiserate. Be an example of finding positives in all of this negativity. I can stick with the measures necessary to keep my family and my community safe and healthy. I'm lucky to have such strong and independent daughters; I hope I can be the Dad they need.