At some point in the near future, I want to initiate a serious discussion about the cultural and agricultural implications of this commercial. Today, however, as part of my ongoing struggle to not take myself too seriously, I want to take a different approach.
Those of you who get western wear catalogs on occasion - and who (like me) actually wear western-wear clothing for work - have probably seen the "pre-worn" clothing that is apparently quite the fashion rage. You can now buy a felt cowboy hat that already has sweat stains in it - no need to work for them, just buy a hat that already looks worked in! You can also get a brand new straw hat that looks as if it's been trampled by a bull. Rather than risk battery acid and barbed wire snags, you can buy pre-ripped jeans. You can look like you've worked without actually having to work! Cool!
In the same spirit, I'd like to offer for sale my 2005 Dodge 2500 4x4 pick-up - pre-farmed! Just check ot these features:
- The right front fender includes an actual dent from the suicidal deer that jumped into the road in front of me several years ago.
- The left side bed rail has been crunched by an actual gooseneck stock trailer when I backed up over an unseen rock at the ranch.
- My truck has a custom-made 1x10 rough-sawn board for a tailgate - the result of yet another gooseneck mishap.
- The interior of my Dodge offers a unique combination of dog hair, several kinds of manure and road dust - giving it an amazing (and in wet weather, overwhelming) scent. There's even a starter compost pile behind the rear seat!
- After years of dusty roads and off-road ranch driving, the electrical system is quite entertaining! You'll enjoy the random (as opposed to intermittent) windshield wipers - sometimes they come on all by themselves! The power windows and door locks for the back doors haven't worked for years.
Imagine how proud you'll be driving an actual farm truck - your neighbors will be SO envious. Driving the kids to school will be an amazing experience - I'm sure you can appreciate how proud my girls are when I drive them (and their friends) home from soccer practice!
A new Dodge crew-cab 4x4 diesel pick-up will run you close to $45,000, I'm sure. These new trucks, however, have none of the character that a truly pre-farmed truck can offer. I'm willing to let mine go for just $40,000 - maybe then I can afford a new truck on a farmer's wages!